The Standard of Success

August 9, 2022

This idea of success has been playing a major role in my life and my decisions since and after college. And “success” is a very abstract thing that is hard for people to articulate. But at the same time, it’s something we’re all chasing, isn’t it? Why? 

You heard me right. I’m asking you to stop, pause, and ask the question “why are you chasing after success?”

Why are you chasing success?

For some, that will be an epiphany and a mind blowing thought in and of itself. However, it’s not exactly what I’m trying to get at. The better question you need to ask after that is “why are you chasing that success?”

Why are you chasing that success?

I’ll define what I mean by “that success” a little later. First let’s detour to a little story.

A few days ago, this rather mundane incident occurred which got me thinking. I was in the kitchen, after dinner and everyone was talking and this person we know came up in conversation. And I said something along the lines of “well, they’re successful” or “I need their success.” My sister turned to me and went “you really think he’s successful?” I then asked myself, “Is that person “successful?”” Well, yeah. They’ve got money, a solid career, charisma, prestige in their professional, social, and family circles, a house, etc. That’s success, right? Especially to a 20 something year old, that’s what success looks like, right?

Yes, that is “success” if you’re going to judge the person based on the world’s standard of what makes a successful person.

Are you beginning to see the problem?

What does success actually look like? You have to be able to define and visualize this very nebulous and abstract idea. The problem is that most people don’t. And that’s not entirely their fault, because from infancy, the world shows, teaches, impresses on us its own standard of success. Telling us that success equals having x amount of money, having fame/so many followers on social media, having a certain type of car and a house, having a thriving career, and looking like a swimsuit model. 

The tricky part is that there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of those aforementioned things. Actually a lot of them are good and desirable. The problem stems from the fact that this is what the world is imposing on us and unless we consciously, and with great awareness, slow down to think about what and why we are pursuing these things, we end up chasing things that we don’t actually want.

If all that makes your brain hurt I’ll give you a few examples, to help.

1. Advertising

This is probably the easiest way to understand what I’m trying to say, because it is everywhere and sometimes very blatant. 

For example, companies put out ads/commercials/signs for a pair of pants. They show how people who buy these pants look happy, attract others, live in a mansion, the whole dream life. A person sees these ads over and over and over again, and even if they don’t care for the material or style of pants, eventually they end up buying them anyway because they want what the company says comes with the pair of pants: happiness, attractiveness, a mansion, a dream life. 

It sounds super silly in that example, but think about it. Isn’t that what the world is doing with the concept of success? They might not be trying to sell you a pair of pants, but it’s selling you this one idea of success through money, fame, a car, a house, a thriving career, a model’s body, etc.

2. Education

Right now what are the hottest fields of study?

You can probably list them off the top of your head. Anything in STEM, any type of engineering, business, you get the idea. And schools tend to really push/encourage/support those subjects. Then students will sometimes pick their field based on those things. Based on how prestigious the degree is, how lucrative it should be, how popular it is, or because everyone and their friends are interested in it. Again, nothing wrong with those reasons. After all, they are reasons.

But then fast forward and imagine there’s this student who studied something they were okay with. However as soon as they graduate and are removed from that academic setting where studying that field was considered “cool” or “prestigious” or “exotic,” they realize they didn’t actually like what they studied.

To relate this to success, people tend to pick out their model of success based on what is socially cool/popular/encouraged/supported.

What About the Other Things?

So that’s all about the world’s standard of success. But what about the things that aren’t commonly mentioned? Like family, personal character, integrity, spirituality, health, and joy?

Are those things part of your standard for success? Why or why not?

Because at the end of the day, who has the right to define your success?

And this is what’s kind of crazy. Because as unique individuals, success is going to look different for each person. Just like the same shirt will look 100 different ways on 100 different people. This cookie cutter idea that the world is selling, might fit some people, but for most, it just won’t fit because you’re trying on the wrong shoe.

For one person success will include raising a family.

For one person success will include grooming dogs.

For one person success will include creating art.

My point is that success will look different for everyone. So don’t freak out when your life diverges. And those are words I’m writing to myself as well.

Maybe that’s a signal for you to take a figurative step back and slow down long enough to think about your model of success.

I’ve been working on this concept myself, and while I still have a lot of room for improvement there are two apparent positives I’ve noticed from redefining success.

The first is that life becomes less stressful. Oh yes, the dishes still need to be washed and work still needs my attention, but by shifting my view of success I’ve managed to remove this looming cloud of stress. I don’t have to waste energy chasing what everybody else thinks I should be. I don’t have to waste energy chasing an idea that actually doesn’t fit me. 

Secondly, redefining my standard of success is quite freeing. Now, when I hear that a waiter at a restaurant is making $2,000/week, or that someone lost 15 lbs by fasting, I don’t feel indignant or jealous because what works for them, and their models of success will be different than mine.

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