Confidant Eye Contact

You're walking down the sidewalk and someone is walking towards you and then - "Oh no!" You make eye contact 👀. "What do I do? How long should I keep looking? Am I being weird? Agh!!!"

LOL. That, my friends, is a familiar scenario when it comes to eye contact.

I've been there (a lot). You've probably done it too.

Eye contact is one of the most important aspects of communication, and mastering it can help you build stronger relationships, exude confidence, and avoid getting stuck in awkward social situations. 

In today's post, we'll be taking a closer look at the art of eye contact, exploring why it's so important, and sharing some tips and tricks that you can try.

Benefits

Eye contact is hard. So let me start by reminding you of all the benefits that come with it so that hopefully you decide the payoff of learning confidant eye contact is worth it. 

Eye contact isn't just staring into someone's soul until they look away (although, it can definitely feel like that sometimes). 

Making good eye contact is actually a powerful tool that can help you achieve your goals, both personally and professionally. 

Good eye contact...

Builds Trust and Rapport: People are more likely to trust and feel comfortable with those who maintain good eye contact. It's a sign of engagement and shows that you're interested in what they have to say. It's like saying, "Hey, I'm listening and I care about what you're saying" but with your eyes.

Shows Confidence and Interest: Good eye contact can help you exude confidence and demonstrate your interest in a conversation or situation. You'll look and feel more engaged, which can make others feel more comfortable around you.

Enhances Communication: How long will a conversation last if neither person looks at the other's eyes? Not long. Making good eye contact helps you communicate more effectively. It allows you to pick up on nonverbal cues and better understand the emotions behind what someone is saying.

Creates Positive Impressions: It's a simple yet powerful way to show that you're present, engaged, and interested in the people around you. Who doesn't want all the advantages they can get during a first impression, am I right?

Tips to Help You Make Good Eye Contact

Eye contact is one of those things we're just expected to know how to do. Which I kind of understand. I guess most of it is learned through osmosis like when babies learn to speak.

But sometimes I think it would be helpful if good eye contact was taught. Until then, here are some tips to help you master the art of the gaze:

#1. Maintain eye contact for 3-5 seconds.

Looking away too soon can make you appear disinterested or nervous, while holding eye contact for too long can be uncomfortable for the other person. 

Aim for 3-5 seconds of steady eye contact, and then look away briefly before returning your gaze.

#2. Look at the person's eyes: 

This may seem like a duh tip since we're talking about eye contact, but it's important to look at the person's eyes and not their nose, mouth, or other features. 

Direct eye contact shows that you're fully engaged in the conversation.

#3. Blink naturally. 

Just because you're making good eye contact, it doesn't mean you have to have a starring contest with the other person. (You don't want to come off as a psychopath).

It's normal to blink, so don't try to hold your eyes open like a robot. Just blink naturally, and don't worry about it!

#4. Practice.

Like anything else, the more you practice, the better you'll get. 

It might be weird and uncomfortable but try making eye contact with friends, family, and colleagues to get comfortable with it.

#5. Be aware of cultural differences.

Eye contact is a strangely powerful thing and can be interpreted differently in different cultures, so it's important to be aware of cultural norms when you're communicating with people from different backgrounds.

For example: In traditional South Korean culture it was rude and a sign of disrespect to look directly into the eyes of an elder/senior/respectable person. That practice is slowly changing, but still exists in their culture.

#6. Don't overdo it.

While good eye contact is important, you don't want to come across as creepy or intense. 

Everything in moderation. So, be sure to strike a balance and use eye contact naturally and appropriately.

Eye Contact in Different Situations

Eye contact isn't just important for making a good impression, it also impacts the way we communicate and connect in different settings. 

Professional settings: 

• Good eye contact can help you establish 
• credibility
• build trust with colleagues and clients
• demonstrate your confidence 

Whether you're interviewing for a job or leading a team meeting, maintaining good eye contact can help you come across as competent and professional.

(Especially important for interviews!)

Personal settings: 

• Help you connect with others on a deeper level
• Show that you're interested in what they have to say
• Show that you value the connection

In personal settings, good eye contact can help you connect with others on a deeper level. 

Whether you're catching up with an old friend or meeting new people at a party, direct eye contact can show that you're interested in what the other person has to say, and that you value the connection.

Dating and relationships: 

• Key component of flirting and attraction
• increase feelings of intimacy
• greater levels of trust

There's that phrase "making eyes" at someone and there's a lot of evidence to support it.

Eye contact is often considered a key component of flirting and attraction. 

Studies have shown that prolonged eye contact can increase feelings of intimacy and even lead to greater levels of trust between romantic partners. So, if you're looking to spice up your love life, try including some intense eye contact (in a good way.)

Public speaking: 

• Help you command attention
• Build rapport
• convey confidence
• Helps you read the room

Maintaining good eye contact with your audience can help you command attention, build rapport, and convey confidence when speaking in public. 

It can also help you read the room and pick up on nonverbal cues, allowing you to adjust your presentation style as needed.

Whether you're in a professional or personal setting, don't underestimate the power of a good gaze!"

Challenges to Making Eye Contact

"While making good eye contact can be a great way to connect with others, it's not always easy (big understatement). Here are some challenges to be aware of.

Shyness and Anxiety: 

For some people, shyness or social anxiety can make it difficult to maintain eye contact. 

If you're feeling nervous or uncomfortable, try working your way up to making eye contact by focusing on the bridge of the person's nose or their forehead, which can help you feel like you're maintaining eye contact without the pressure of looking directly into their eyes.

 

Cultural Differences: 

Like I said earlier, eye contact norms can vary widely across different cultures. 

In some cultures, direct eye contact is a sign of respect and engagement, while in others, it may be seen as rude or aggressive. 

So, if you're communicating with people from different cultural backgrounds, be sure to give grace for different eye contact norms.

Health Conditions: 

Certain physical or mental health conditions can make it difficult to maintain eye contact. 

For example, people with autism spectrum disorders may find eye contact uncomfortable or overwhelming, while those with conditions like strabismus or nystagmus may have trouble controlling their eye movements. 

Gender Differences: 

Studies have shown that men and women tend to approach eye contact differently in social situations. 

Men may be more likely to use eye contact as a way to establish dominance or assertiveness, while women may use it more as a way to build rapport and connection.

Not that that's always the case, just tendencies. Personality and situation probably have play a bigger role. 

Good eye contact can be a challenge, but don't let that discourage you. With a little practice and awareness, anyone can become adept at using eye contact too!

How to Overcome Challenges

Practice Mindfulness: 

One of the keys to good eye contact is being present in the moment. Try practicing mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or meditation to help calm your nerves and stay focused on the present.

Check out: Getting Started with Mindfulness

Ask for Help: 

If your shyness or anxiety is making it difficult to maintain eye contact, consider seeking out a therapist or counselor who can help you work through those issues. They could be able to provide you with specific techniques or strategies to help you feel more comfortable.

Join Public Speaking Groups: 

If you're specifically struggling with eye contact in public speaking or presentation situations, joining a public speaking group can be a great way to practice and get feedback from others. 

(I said a great way to practice. Maybe not a great pastime for enjoyment if public speaking isn't your thing.)

Plus, you'll be surrounded by like-minded individuals who are all working on improving their communication skills!

Eye Contact Exercises: 

There are plenty of exercises you can do to help improve your eye contact skills. 

One simple exercise is to practice maintaining eye contact with yourself in the mirror for a set amount of time each day. (I usually pair this with affirmations in the morning.)

Check out: 

You can also try gradually increasing the amount of time you maintain eye contact with others in social situations.

Final Thoughts

Eye contact is important for building trust, showing confidence and interest, enhancing communication, and creating positive impressions in a variety of settings.

We've shared some tips and strategies for making good eye contact, including maintaining eye contact for 3-5 seconds, looking at the person's eyes, blinking naturally, practicing, being aware of cultural differences, and not overdoing it.

Finally, we've talked about some of the challenges with eye contact and how to overcome them, such as shyness, cultural differences, and health conditions.

Don't be afraid to put these tips and strategies into action in your daily life. 

With time and practice, you'll be able to master the art of eye contact and impress everyone with your confident gaze.

Remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul, so use this powerful tool to let your soul shine through!

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