Self-Forgiveness the First Step Towards Self-Love

Hey there, friend!

This week, it was like everything I was listening to/reading/etc. all kept going back to a common theme: self-forgiveness.

And it wasn't like I had ever consciously avoided self-forgiveness, it was just never on my radar until this week when I got hit over the head with it, which got me to thinking about self-forgiveness as the first step towards self-love (which is something I'm trying to cultivate more of).

So today, we're going to talk about the art of self-forgiveness.

And I write this as much to myself as to whoever is reading.

Self-forgiveness is the act of forgiving yourself for any past mistakes or wrongdoings.

Self-forgiveness is the act of forgiving yourself for any past mistakes.

It's like giving yourself a big hug and saying, "It's okay, I forgive you!" 

Self-forgiveness is crucial for our mental and emotional well-being. Holding onto guilt and shame (which are two of the lowest vibrations/frequencies) can lead to negative thoughts, feelings of unworthiness, and even depression. 

On the other hand, self-forgiveness can lead to improved relationships, increased self-compassion, and a lighter, more joyful life.

• In this post I'm deep diving into...
• What self-forgiveness is
• Why it's important
• Barriers that may be holding you back
• Benefits of practicing self-forgiveness
• Tips for making self-forgiveness a part of your life.

Understanding Self-Forgiveness

What Self-Forgiveness Is

Self-forgiveness is like giving yourself a mental hug for past mistakes or wrongdoings. 

It's the act of acknowledging your imperfections, taking responsibility for your actions, and releasing any negative emotions or self-judgments. 

In short, it's a way to learn from past experiences and move forward with a positive attitude.

Why Self-Forgiveness is Important

It's the human condition to make mistakes. 

Whether it's saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or making a big, life-changing decision that doesn't quite pan out (hello, college), we've all been there. 

But the problem is that when we don't forgive ourselves, we end up carrying around old, and a lot of times misplaced, guilt and shame like a heavy backpack. It weighs us down, makes us doubt ourselves, and can even lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

That's where self-forgiveness comes in. When we forgive ourselves, we free ourselves from the burden of past mistakes. We can learn from them, grow from them, and move on to bigger and better things. It's like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders, and we can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

*Note: Of course, self-forgiveness is only one piece of forgiveness. I believe in addition to forgiving yourself, in order to fully heal and move foreword we have to also seek forgiveness from God and sometimes even the other people who were involved.

The difference between Self-Forgiveness and Self-Acceptance

Now, you might be thinking, "Isn't self-forgiveness the same as self-acceptance?" Well, not exactly. 

Self-acceptance is about embracing who you are, flaws and all. It's about recognizing that you're not perfect, but that's okay because nobody is. 

Self-forgiveness, on the other hand, is about letting go of past mistakes and forgiving yourself for them. It's about acknowledging that you messed up, but you're not defined by your mistakes.

Think of it this way: self-acceptance is like giving yourself a big hug and saying, "I love you, even with all your quirks and imperfections." 

Self-forgiveness is like giving yourself a pat on the back and saying, "Good job for acknowledging your mistakes and learning from them. Let's move forward and make things right." 

Both are important, but they serve different purposes.

Understanding self-forgiveness is the first step towards practicing it.

Some Barriers to Self-Forgiveness

You would think that forgiving yourself would be the easiest thing in the world to do, right? After all, why on earth would I refuse to forgive myself? It doesn't make sense. 

But for most of us, self-forgiveness is way way harder than forgiving others. Here are some possible barriers.

Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are like two uninvited guests that just won't leave the party. They stick around, making us feel bad about ourselves and our past mistakes. 

We might think, "How could I have been so stupid?" or "I can't believe I did that." 

 

But the truth is, holding onto guilt and shame isn't going to change what happened. 

In fact, they are the most detrimental emotions to hold onto and only hold us back from moving forward.

 

Self-Criticism

(This is the one that gets to me) We might beat ourselves up over past mistakes, thinking that we should have known better or done things differently. 

But the reality is that we can't change the past. We can only learn from it and do better in the future.

This is a great song to listen to when self-criticism rears its head: Lauren Daigle - You Say 

 

Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is like a broken record that keeps playing in our heads. It tells us that we're not good enough, that we don't deserve forgiveness, and that we'll never be able to change. 

 

 

But the truth is, we're all capable of change and growth. We just need to start by changing the narrative in our heads.

 

Fear of Change

Finally, fear of change can be a major barrier to self-forgiveness. We might be comfortable in our current situation, even if it's not ideal, especially if we've been living there for a while. 

 

The thought of making changes can be scary and overwhelming. But the truth is, change is necessary for growth and progress. It's okay to step outside of our comfort zones and try new things.

The Benefits of Self-Forgiveness

As hard as it is to self-forgive, it is so worth it. And here are all the reasons why.

Improved Mental Health

First and foremost, self-forgiveness can do wonders for your mental health. 

When we hold onto guilt and shame, it can lead to negative self-talk and self-criticism, which can take a toll on our overall well-being. 

 

But when we forgive ourselves, we free ourselves from those negative thoughts and emotions. We can start to feel lighter and more at peace. (No, literally. Studies show we literally become more energy and less mass = feeling lighter)

 

Improved Relationships

Another great benefit of self-forgiveness is that it can improve our relationships with others. 

When we're carrying around a lot of guilt and shame, it can be difficult to fully show up for the people in our lives (or we act out and take the feelings out on them). 

But when we forgive ourselves, we're better equipped to be present and loving with others. Plus, when we're less hard on ourselves, we're less likely to be hard on those around us.

 

Increased Self-Compassion

Finally, self-forgiveness can lead to increased self-compassion. 

 

When we forgive ourselves, we're essentially giving ourselves permission to be human. 

When we forgive ourselves, we're giving ourselves permission to be human.

We're acknowledging that we're not perfect and that we're allowed to make mistakes. 

This can lead to a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-love.

These are just a few of the benefits of self-forgiveness. If you're struggling to forgive yourself for past mistakes, remember that it's a process. It's okay to take it one day at a time and to be patient with yourself. You deserve to feel at peace and to move forward with a sense of self-compassion.

The Process of Self-Forgiveness

I don't want to say that there's only one way to go about doing self-forgiveness, but there are a few key steps that I think everyone goes through, even if they look a little different.

#1. Acknowledge the Wrong

The first step in the process of self-forgiveness is to acknowledge the wrong that was done. 
This can be tough because it requires us to be finally be honest with ourselves and to confront the mistake head-on. 

But it's important to do so in order to move forward.

 

#2. Take Responsibility

Often when we make bad choices, those choices have consequences which means that we need to take responsibility for our actions. 
It's easy to play the blame game and to point fingers, but that doesn't help you.

By taking ownership of what we've done, we're showing that we're committed to making things right. (But make sure that you only take responsibility for your actions. Be careful that you don't accept other people's misplaced blame.)

#3. Apologize and Ask for Forgiveness

Once we've acknowledged the wrong and taken responsibility, it's time to apologize and ask for forgiveness - from ourselves. 
Yes, that's right - we need to apologize to ourselves for the harm we've caused. 
I really think the best way to do this is to say: "[full name] + [acknowledge the wrong] + [take responsibility] + [I forgive you].
Example: Mary Jane Smith, I acknowledge that it was wrong of me to eat that entire pan of brownies last night, I take responsibility for my eating choices and will learn from this experience. I forgive you.

This can feel majorly awkward at first, but it's an important step in the process of self-forgiveness.

 

#4. Practice Self-Compassion

After we've apologized, it's prime time to practice self-compassion. This means treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a good friend.

Tips for Practicing Self-Forgiveness

The hardest part is to go from knowing to doing.

How do we actually put it into practice? Here are a few tips to get you started:

Write a Letter to Yourself

One way to practice self-forgiveness is to write a letter to yourself. 

 

This can be a powerful exercise in which you express your regrets, offer yourself forgiveness, and set intentions for moving forward. Bonus points if you make it cute and colorful with stickers and markers!

(Love this option. I would highly recommend also symbolically burning the letter when you're done, if you're able to safely do that)

 

Seek Support

It's okay to ask for help when practicing self-forgiveness. 
A profession can offer a much needed listening ear, words of encouragement, and helpful advice. Plus, having someone to hold you accountable can make a big difference.

Just make sure that you aren't fishing for pity or martyrdom as that is counterproductive.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can be a major barrier to self-forgiveness. 

When we're constantly criticizing ourselves, it's hard to let go of past mistakes. 

So, make a conscious effort to challenge those negative thoughts. 

 

Whenever you catch yourself being too hard on yourself, first ask if there is any truth in what you're saying, and if there is reframe the thought into something more positive and compassionate.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and non-judgmentally observing your thoughts and emotions. 

 

When we're mindful, we can better understand our patterns of thought and behavior, which can lead to greater self-awareness and self-compassion.

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Conclusion

Here's the cliff notes of today's post.

• Self-forgiveness involves acknowledging our wrongs, taking responsibility, apologizing, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of the past.
• Some barriers to self-forgiveness include guilt, shame, negative self-talk, and fear of change.
• The benefits of self-forgiveness include improved mental health, improved relationships, and increased self-compassion.
• To practice self-forgiveness, we can write a letter to ourselves, seek support, challenge negative self-talk, and practice mindfulness.

I know from personal experience that practicing self-forgiveness can be easier said than done. 

But give it a try. 

Remember, forgiveness isn't about excusing bad behavior - it's about freeing yourself from the pain and resentment of the past in order to move forward and live a more extraordinary life.

So, whether you're forgiving yourself for a small mistake or a big one, know that it's a brave and compassionate act. You deserve to move forward with a lighter heart and a greater sense of self-compassion.

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